Friday, February 26, 2010
I'm so stressed out about paying all that money to go to Blackpool for my ballroom team. Don't get me wrong, I want to go, and it would be a wonderful opportunity, but I'm having a hard time justifying me and Logan spending all of the money we have saved up on a 3 week trip. What if we come home and something happens and we need money and then we don't have it? Or down the road and we want to have a baby but don't have the money for it? Or Dental School coming up...I feel so freaked out that we would come home to like zero money in the bank, just like that. But I don't know how to tell my coach that I really don't feel comfortable going. It's not that we don't have enough for the trip..it's just life after the trip that I'm worried about. I am so scared to go talk to him about what to do. He'll tell me to just go by myself. Or he'll hate me more than he already does. Or he won't put me on team if I decide to do it next year. I'm replaceable. I'm not an amazing dancer, I got a late start in ballroom, I'm not anywhere near being the best on the team, I could be replaced in a heart beat. But I do know I'm a good team memeber, I have been more than willing to help out on this team in any way I could. Just this week I had to jump in and learn an entire dance for a show for the school of the arts at UVU. Not easy, but I did it. I'm so scared to talk to my coach about it. But I just don't really feel like I can go. And that devastates me. And I've been crying about it a lot lately. I hate crying.
And I feel so disconnected from my families. My side of the family is so freaking sick and was last week too so I haven't seen any of them in so long and I miss them. I miss them so freaking much. And Logan's family is so busy I feel like a total pest if I call and ask if I can come see them. Like I'm a huge annoyance and I hate feeling that way and it's probably so not even the case but wow do I feel like a loser about it.
And new dance injury...I think I have a stupid stress fracture in my left foot. It started hurting on Tuesday and it's hurting worse now than it did then, but I don't want to go to a doctor about it because a) I don't have the money to just throw down for an x-ray and b) I would just be told to stop dancing and with concert three weeks away that's not really an option. But oh my heck it hurts. Only when I stand. Or walk. And when my foot is more warm it's not as bad. But if anyone has any advice on how to deal with it...let me know.
And really, I just need to calm the freak down. All this stress...it's getting to me and my stupid loser of an ulcer that I obtained right before Logan and I got married is back with vengance so it kills to eat anything. Great.
Blah, I just needed to get it out. I don't really feel like I have anyone I can talk to and have them understand so I'll fling it into the blogger cyber world and probably all of you think I'm a total freeeeeeeeak but now it's out there. Sorry for the whinefest.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
After the comp we got to help with Braxton's birthday party. Favorite quote of the day:
"Knock knock, who's there, rootbeer splashed all over your face. HAHAHAHA!!" Gotta love 5 year old humor.
Also, we got to go to lunch today with Mark and Angie. We went to Purple Turtle and ended up talking and laughing and inhabitting one of their booths for 3 hilarious hours. I'm glad we're getting along this well!!
Friday, February 19, 2010
I love this man!!! What can I say!! He's pretty stinking cute!
I'm figuring this blogging thing out...Thanks Cecilia!!
This week has been a crazy one! Braxton turned 5 and we got to go to his birthday party at Pirate Island. It was so fun to see all the kiddos get so excited over everything! I love all my nieces and nephews so much I always want to scoop them all into my arms and squish them into oblivian. It makes me excited to have kiddos...in a I can totally wait a little longer before actually experiencing it myself kind of way...but even still, they are so adorable, if my kids are half as cute/funny/adorable/spunky as these kids, I'll be mighty pleased.
I was glad to have another family get together with the Spence Clan. I've always heard so many scary things about in-laws and how terrible they are, but I have no idea what everyone was talking about because my in laws totally rock! I love being with them! I feel so blessed to have a good relationship with all of them, after all, they are going to be in my life for a while!! Shout out to the Spence Peeps...thanks for welcoming me into the family!! I love each and every one of you!
School is still kicking our butts. I didn't do so hot on my kinesiology test on the spine, whicj was disappointing because I had studied my guts out for it and still didn't do very well. Logan, on the other hand, is rocking my socks off!! I am so proud of his latest score--97% on his Chemistry 2 test. He'd kill me if he knew I told the blogging world that, but I really am just so proud of him! He's studied so much and it's really paying off! He's such a smart boy. Just another reason I love him!
Tomorrow is the DanceSport festival at UVU...I have four students competing and it'll be my first time watching them! I'm very excited to see how they do, they've been working so hard at practice! I really do have the best job in the whole world. Reason #84938 I'm the Luckiest Girl in the World.
Looking forward to a great weekend ahead of us!
Also...Mother Nature hear my pleas...bring me a warm sunny day for my birthday...you have twelve days to work that into your schedule if possible. If that won't work, make spring break get here faster so Logan and I can possibly escape to California where I can see my other boyfriend, Mickey Mouse. Thank you.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Next big reunion...Not as many pictures this time...but through Carrin I got my birthdad's e-mail address and I got to meet him February 1....His name is Mark, he's married to Angie, she has a daughter named Tatum who is 12 I believe, and an amazing soccer player...and super dooper cute. Angie and Mark are expecting a little girl this summer...which is good because I only have sisters, Logan only has sisters, and with Geena and Tatum thrown in the mix, we might as well just keep the ladies in the family...uh...sorry Andrew, you're severly left out. But I still love ya. Here's a picture of the Mark Meeting....we went to my fave restaurant...Los Hermanos...so yummy!!! And yes, I'm wearing a Los Hermanos shirt. Don't judge.
I've decided I have Carrin's eyes and nose, and a femine version of Mark's jaw and smile. It's been a WHOLE STINKING LOT OF FUN getting to know both of them! I'm seeing more of where I come from, my heritage, why I act the way I do, and so on. I've loved it! I can't wait to get to know them better!